7 Ways SAHM's Struggle
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We struggle as moms. Often, we feel pulled in a million different directions and sometimes can’t tell which way is up. Being a mom is hard. As a SAHM, I struggle with things I didn’t struggle with as a working mom and vice versa.
When you’re a SAHM, there are always struggles, they just may look different than your working mom friends. I know my motherhood looks a lot different than it did 5 years ago when I was juggling motherhood with a full time job.
But let’s look at 7 ways I have seen myself and other SAHM’s struggle with in their motherhood journey and offer you some support:
While being a SAHM was a “norm” in the 1950’s, many more women are in the workforce now than they were then. I’ve known many a SAHM, myself included, that have been asked that question “So, when ARE you going to go back to work?”.
People may mean well when asking, but when it’s not in your family’s plan for you to return to the workforce, it’s hard to not feel inadequate when people give you a hesitant smile and tell you that you’re going to be bored at home, or miss out on a lucrative career, or whatever the excuse is.
But if staying home is what is in your family’s plan, don’t feel like you are “missing out” on anything. Just because you are choosing to stay home with your children doesn’t mean you won’t have a meaningful and purposeful life. It just may look different from some of your other mom friends.
And that’s perfectly ok!
Getting Out of the House
Oh boy. This one can be so hard sometimes! The thought of loading up all the kids with extra clothes and snacks and everything else they “need” to come with them in the car is just too much for me to handle sometimes.
It can be tempting to just camp out at home where you have everything you need and not lug the children around to places you have to chase them around at. It’s exhausting sometimes. I get it!
We have to get out of the house. We have to take our children out in the world to explore and sitting at home all day will do nothing but hinder your mental health. I make it a point to get us out of the house at least 2-3 days during the week, even if just for an hour. Changing scenery for myself and the boys helps so much!
We can’t talk about the struggles of a mother without talking about finances. Even if your other half makes a great salary, it is still hard to manage where all the money is going or should be going every month. We sometimes have to become master budgeters to make it all work out.
Whatever situation you are in financially, many SAHM’s are always looking for a side hustle or way to make some extra income for their households. I started a blog and have written a couple of ebooks. I use affiliate marketing and have taken a couple of blogging courses to help me get moving.
Others learn how to make money on Pinterest. Some moms coupon and use programs like Ebates or Ibotta. Other moms open up Etsy shops with the crafts they create or sell upcycled items on Facebook Marketplace or Ebay.
If you really need some extra income but don’t have a crafty side, others post their abilities on Upwork or Fivver. You can sell your services for all kinds of things like graphic design, being a virtual assistant or bookkeeper, etc. Your options are limitless!
Doing Too Much/Too Little
I am guilty of both of these things. Sometimes, I get a little too gung-ho and try to do all the things. But I burn myself out and drive myself crazy. Other times, I’m just not feeling it and let some things slide that I normally wouldn’t.
As SAHM’s, it can be hard to not slip into either category and find a balance between getting what you need to get done checked off your to-do list and what you do/don’t want to do that day.
I’m a homeschooling SAHM, so it’s definitely been a learning curve this school year as to how to balance it all. I hate doing household chores or working on the blog when it’s school time. So after breakfast, I dedicate the rest of the morning to doing our schoolwork. I try not to answer the phone too much or sit down at the computer to pump out a few paragraphs for a blog post. I tend to save those things for the afternoon so I can focus on the kids.
But some days, that means the dishwasher doesn’t get unloaded until I’m making dinner (or after dinner when I need to reload it!). Other days, it means I put a load of laundry in the washer before breakfast and it’s not until after the kids go to bed that it gets put in the dryer.
Regardless of where you tend to land on the scale, you have to find some sort of balance in your mom life or it will drag you down tremendously!
Not “Losing” Yourself
You’ve probably had someone tell you this when you first tell them you’re going to be a SAHM or have felt this way at some point in your SAHM journey. I have felt this way multiple times, usually when there’s a newborn in the house.
It can be hard not to feel this way at times. Your day is filled with wiping tiny bottoms, refilling sippy cups and cleaning up after the army of tiny humans you created. Days tend to mesh together and you forget what day of the week it is.
This is partly why I am not a morning person. I tend to stay up late after everyone has gone to bed to have some “me” time. Without the kids. Without my husband. Just me and Amazon Prime or a good book or just scrolling social media. Some time to let my mind rest and just be without being pulled in a million directions.
Thinking You’re Not Doing Enough For Your Kids
This is a really common one. We tend to want to compare how “behind” little Johnny seems to little Sally in development. Maybe you’re not doing enough at home? He should know his ABC’s by now. Not reading at 3? Oh no, I’ve ruined my child.
Ever had those thoughts? If becoming a homeschool mom has taught me anything, it’s that all kids are different and learn at different paces from each other. While some kids do have some legitimate delays and need professional intervention, your child is not behind and you are not lacking as a parent because they aren’t reading at a 6th grade level at the age of 3.
Read. Play games. Talk about the ABC’s. Go outside and let them play and run. Don’t get sucked into the idea that you are a horrible mother if your child going into kindergarten isn’t a genius that needs to skip 2 grades. And don’t be so hard on yourself when your 4 year old is still not ready to start reading or has no interest in basic math.
Asking For Help
I saved this one for last because it’s probably one of, if not the biggest thing any mom struggles to do. We don’t like to admit when we need help or ask for it. The jury is still out on me where this really stems from in us moms, but it is nonetheless something many of us deal with.
I will be the first to raise my hand to the fact that I am probably one of the most terrible moms when it comes to this. Asking for help honestly doesn’t even cross my mind 90% of the time. During the other 10%, I tend to not ask for help because it can make me feel inadequate. Like I should be able to be superwoman and do all the things all the time without getting tired or weary.
But it’s how I feel sometimes. I don’t want to admit that I have flaws and limits and need someone to step in and give me a hand. I’m learning to get better at it, but like everything else, it’s a work in progress.