A Lesson in Jealousy
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Mommy didn't have a good attitude Saturday morning
Hubby and I stayed up late Friday night catching up on shows we never get to watch and we didn't go to bed until after midnight.
Then the toddler woke up screaming at 3:15am for no apparent reason then woke up for the day at 6:30am. On a Saturday. After mommy got about 6 hours of broken sleep. Yay...
So I get up with the kids because the big kid also woke up right at 7am. Meanwhile, daddy grabs my pillow, puts it over his head, and goes back to sleep.
Mommy wasn't happy
In fact, mommy was angry and jealous. Yes, he has a demanding job and had to go to an event for work later that day. But mommy's job is demanding too and not only did I get up early with the kids, I also got up in the middle of the night while daddy continued to sleep.
I was short with the kids while I tried to get breakfast ready. I begrudgingly went about my mom duties and made a larger than normal cup of coffee. After sitting the kids down for breakfast and bringing my plate to the table, I quietly ate my food while the kids watched VeggieTales and ate their breakfasts.
The boys finished then went and played in the big kid's room while I sat on the floor watching, still wallowing in my tiredness and the unfairness of motherhood. It was Mother's Day weekend after all. Why couldn't I sleep in and have breakfast made for me for once?
What about mommy?
My husband finally emerged from the bedroom around 9:30am, awake and perky. The kids asked to go outside and play in the backyard while daddy got his breakfast and got ready for work.
I got everyone dressed and shoes on to go play. As we walk out the back door, the warm almost summer sun hit my face and the beauty of it made me begin to examine my heart. What was wrong with me this morning?
Then it hit me...
“Love is patient and kind. Love is notjealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 (emphasis mine)
I was irritated and jealous because my husband was getting more sleep than I was. In my head, I thought I deserved more sleep than him and a little pampering as well.
But I knew in my heart I was wrong
Instead of thanking God for this beautiful day, quality time with the littles, and giving my husband a break, I was jealous of my husband for getting some much deserved sleep before his 6th day of work this week.
He got up twice this last week at or before 5am for work and came home close to or after dark at least twice as well. Most mornings, both boys sleep until about 7am and mommy does too (because lets face it, I'm not a morning person!).
I was so focused on myself and what I didn't have in the moment rather than on what my husband needed from me.
I sat in the sun while the kids ran around playing. And I held back the tears. It's hard to realize your own sin sometimes. But luckily it didn't last long.
In my weakness, I needed His grace
I opened my YouVersion app while sitting on the back porch and this was the verse of the day.
Wow... I let my weaknesses start to overpower me, but God can change all that. His grace was what I needed.
So I got up and enjoyed the sunshine and my boys. I let my heart's thorns be pulled away and stopped letting jealousy steal my joy. I changed my attitude toward my husband and enjoyed a quick catch up chat with him before he left for work.
Our weekend continued and my boys bought me some beautiful flowers and my husband made a BBQ for dinner for me, my mom and my mother-in-law (and the rest of the family) to celebrate Mother's Day. We had great fellowship and mommy didn't have to make dinner (although I helped with the prep, but I was happy to).