A Lesson in Jealousy

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A Lesson in Jealousy #sahm #joy

 

 

Mommy didn’t have a good attitude Saturday morning

Hubby and I stayed up late Friday night catching up on shows we never get to watch and we didn’t go to bed until after midnight.

Then the toddler woke up screaming at 3:15am for no apparent reason then woke up for the day at 6:30am. On a Saturday. After mommy got about 6 hours of broken sleep. Yay…

So I get up with the kids because the big kid also woke up right at 7am. Meanwhile, daddy grabs my pillow, puts it over his head, and goes back to sleep.

 

Mommy wasn’t happy

In fact, mommy was angry and jealous. Yes, he has a demanding job and had to go to an event for work later that day. But mommy’s job is demanding too and not only did I get up early with the kids, I also got up in the middle of the night while daddy continued to sleep.

I was short with the kids while I tried to get breakfast ready. I begrudgingly went about my mom duties and made a larger than normal cup of coffee. After sitting the kids down for breakfast and bringing my plate to the table, I quietly ate my food while the kids watched VeggieTales and ate their breakfasts.

The boys finished then went and played in the big kid’s room while I sat on the floor watching, still wallowing in my tiredness and the unfairness of motherhood. It was Mother’s Day weekend after all. Why couldn’t I sleep in and have breakfast made for me for once?

 

What about mommy?

My husband finally emerged from the bedroom around 9:30am, awake and perky. The kids asked to go outside and play in the backyard while daddy got his breakfast and got ready for work.

I got everyone dressed and shoes on to go play. As we walk out the back door, the warm almost summer sun hit my face and the beauty of it made me begin to examine my heart. What was wrong with me this morning?

 

Then it hit me…

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.” ‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:4-5‬ (emphasis mine)

 

Ouch…

 

I was irritated and jealous because my husband was getting more sleep than I was. In my head, I thought I deserved more sleep than him and a little pampering as well.

 

But I knew in my heart I was wrong

Instead of thanking God for this beautiful day, quality time with the littles, and giving my husband a break, I was jealous of my husband for getting some much deserved sleep before his 6th day of work this week.

He got up twice this last week at or before 5am for work and came home close to or after dark at least twice as well. Most mornings, both boys sleep until about 7am and mommy does too (because lets face it, I’m not a morning person!).

I was so focused on myself and what I didn’t have in the moment rather than on what my husband needed from me.

I sat in the sun while the kids ran around playing. And I held back the tears. It’s hard to realize your own sin sometimes. But luckily it didn’t last long.

 

In my weakness, I needed His grace

 

I opened my YouVersion app while sitting on the back porch and this was the verse of the day.

 

 

Wow… I let my weaknesses start to overpower me, but God can change all that. His grace was what I needed.

So I got up and enjoyed the sunshine and my boys. I let my heart’s thorns be pulled away and stopped letting jealousy steal my joy. I changed my attitude toward my husband and enjoyed a quick catch up chat with him before he left for work.

Our weekend continued and my boys bought me some beautiful flowers and my husband made a BBQ for dinner for me, my mom and my mother-in-law (and the rest of the family) to celebrate Mother’s Day. We had great fellowship and mommy didn’t have to make dinner (although I helped with the prep, but I was happy to).

 

Do you ever catch yourself in a web of jealousy? How do you handle it?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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11 Comments

  1. Love this! I had a conversation with my girlfriend yesterday about how the slightest expectation can ruin a special day. How a rough day is more than a rough day if it happens on our day of entitlement.

  2. Thank you for this! I truly appreciate your transparency. It is definitely a struggle, but if we keep our eyes on Jesus, He gives us the strength we need!
    God bless,
    Patty

  3. Oh, I have so been there. Many times, I’m sorry to say. I totally believe that within our families is one of the best places God can teach us some humility and selflessness!

    1. Yes! I think inside my marriage and family is where I have learned the most from God about being humble and selfless.

  4. Iam a SAHM because of financial and childcare resources left me with no option other than to quit my dream job of working 6am til noon monday til friday at a job i had for 7 years and was certain i would continue til i was old with grey hair, new management changed my schedule to noon til 6pm with a two week notice and was not flexible with me knowing my only problem is childcare for my toddler with a drastic change of schedule. I was unable to find care with 2weeks notice and needing a place that has late child care hours. I have my moments of regrets wishing i had found childcare and wishing someone were to help bust mostly the lost of income. I played a huge role with my husband to get where we are financially with having a apartment, paying bills and it’s been a struggle mentally budgeting with one income and wanting to work but im always left with the problem of childcare and have no success with finding a weekend only job.

    1. Oh mama, I’m so sorry! I worked a hard job with long hours as did my husband before I started staying home. Living on one income can be challenging. I’m so sorry your job wouldn’t work with you, 6am-12pm sounded like an awesome deal for you. Best of luck to you!

  5. Gosh I love this post! It convicts me because I’ve started my mornings in resentful moods thinking I somehow deserve more than what I’m getting. You posted such a perfect verse packed with punch. Thank you for posting at Salt & Light!

    1. Thanks for the great feedback, this post was hard to write due to my own flaws but I’m glad people are relating to it. Thanks for stopping by from the Link-Up!

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